Strip Poker
by WhimsicalMayhem
Summary: Somethings Maya could just do without. Strip poker made the top five, along with enemies she couldn't phasleock and cheesy pickup lines.


A/N: Yo, it's been a loooong time since I posted anything up on here. Whoa. Its real funny, because I've been writing a lot of stuff too, I'm just way too lazy to type any of it. Go me!

Anyways, this was a request from a friend. I don't usually do requests, because I don't want to have it turn out crappy. Yay for going out on a limb!

Hope you guys enjoy! Reviews are appreciated, constructive criticism more so.

Warning: Rated T for nondescript nudity and foul language. If you can't handle it...you may have to join a different fandom...

I do not own Borderlands, cuz if I did it would be so messed up...

Strip Poker

Maya was tired.

It had been an extremely long day for the poor Siren. First, her and Tannis had gone out to the insane scientists old dig site to look at some archaic runes. They should have told them how Sirens, Eridium, and the Vault were connected - if either party had been able to read them. With that wasted trip, Maya had needed to go blow off some steam; so of course she had taken up Gaige's offer to help clear a bandit camp that had popped up nearby.

More like a bandit _city, _actually.

A good six and a half hours later Maya and Gaige were finally dragging themselves up to the Crimson Raiders HQ, ready for a good night's rest.

"Angel, I hope the boys are out." groaned Maya as she opened the door. Tannis was already asleep on top of one of the washing machines.

"Probably. I mean, it's night. They usually drink during the darker hours." commented Gaige.

Maya collapsed onto a chair nearby, too tired to point out that, by all technicality, Salvador and Mordecai drank at all hours and Zer0 at none. She just wished they were gone so she could shower and sleep in peace.

Gaige, instead of collapsing like Maya did, headed upstairs. Recently, the vault hunters had renovated the upper level into a place more comfortable to stay. Brick, Salvador, and Axton had been able to build a new section for living quarters where the old hole in the wall used to be. They turned the war room into a living room, of sorts, with a couch and a coffee table and the like. Gaige had designed it so that the digi-table was still accessible during times of need; constructing it so that it sank and rose from the floor at the touch of the panic button. With the steady decline of Hyperion, they hadn't had much use of it yet, but it was always there, and she had to admit, despite Mordy's unease about it, the room was pretty sweet.

Giage turned the corner into said living room, already calling out to its occupants.

"Hey guys were-"

Gaige stopped.

Gaige stared.

Salvador, Axton, Zer0, Lilith, Mordecai, Brick, and Krieg were all sitting in a circle on the floor. Salvador and Axton had their backs to her, while Brick and Lilith faced her, but, at the time, weren't looking _at_ her. The rest were in between the Mechro's line of vision which, at the current time, had become very important. Why?

Because most of said group was naked.

Salvador had lost it all, showing off a Gunzerker tattoo, similar to the ones on his arms, that snaked around his waist. Axton was also completely bare - as were both Brick and Kreig. Mordecai only had on a pair of vault symbol speedos and Lilith had on both her panties and bra. Zer0 had a few pieces of equipment off, but had yet to show skin.

All of the vault hunter's missing clothes were piled in the middle of the circle, around which there appeared to be some sort of card game going on.

Gaige stared some more. She could hear Maya come up the steps behind her.

"Hey," the Siren said, " do you still have that-"

Gaige screamed.

"MY EYES! IT BUUUUUUUUUUURNS!"

At the sound of the Mechromancer's scream the room exploded into movement. Salvador ducked down behind a table. Axton took refuge behind the couch. Brick locked himself in the nearby bathroom. Mordecai, who seemed to be the most composed at the moment, grabbed the piece of clothing closest to him, which happened to be Krieg's pants, and slipped then on, regardless if he had to manually keep them up. Lilith stood up , looked around for something, but gave up. What did she have to hide? Nothing that Gaige and Maya didn't already have. However, she did shove Brick's shirt into Krieg's hands, who had stood up and only that.  
While Maya's reaction to how Krieg's nether was proportionate to the rest of his body was amusing, someone had to take control of the situation.

"Um...sup." Lilith managed.

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!" Gaige continued to scream, pressing her firsts into her eyes.

"Yeah, "breathed out Lilith, " There are a lot of prettier sights to walk in than Sal's ass..."

"What the hell?!" exclaimed Maya. The cobalt haired woman pulled Gaige back away from the doorway and behind her.

Lilith laughed, but there was no amusement in it.

"Well you see... what had happened was..." the fiery Siren turned to the only visible and sane(ish) person nearby for assistance; Mordecai.

"Uh...uh..." stammered the Sniper, who was fiddling with his pants the entire time. "It was Sal's idea!"

"Gracias Amigo," the Gunzerker growled. "For throwing me under the bus!"

"I'm wearing the psycho's pants. You owe me."

"NIPPLE SALAD!"

"Krieg, now's not the time!"

"Hey, where'd Zer0 go?" questioned Axton.

"Disappeared." Stated Brick, his voice muffled slightly from the bathroom door.

"Damn Assassins..."

Maya, now thoroughly embarrassed by glancing at most of her friends...'goodies'...pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes.

"Gaige, go downstairs."

"Are you going to kick their asses? Please tell me your going to do it with them _clothed._"

"Downstairs. Go. Now."

Gaige, still traumatized, slunk back downstairs.

There was a long pause where, in Maya's defense, she went through all of the Order's teachings of 'patience' and 'tranquility' rather quickly.

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" She exploded.

"Now Maya..." started Lilith, but the other Siren would have none of it.

"We have an eighteen year old girl living with us and you all decide to get butt-freaking-naked while playing poker!"

"Your right, it wasn't the greatest of plans-"

"We are supposed to be role models! How is she going to respect you if she's seen to lose a game of cards and forfeit your dignity!"

"Maya, the girl is eighteen; she an adult." Mordecai pointed out. Maya turned on him.

"Oh, so you would have let her play?

The sniper backpedaled so fast he nearly hit the wall behind him.

"W-well, no! She's...she's..."

"Young?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Pretty?"

"I suppose, I-"

"_Innocent?"_

"W- uh - Lilith! Help me!"

"Maya we are adults; we can't all be expected to raise Gaige all the time." Lilith attempted.

Maya sighed, her angry dissipating into a weary annoyance.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to be a family; they have faults and make mistakes and are human." The Siren hesitated. "For the most part, anyways. We're all she's got; Angel knows she can't go home. Not while she still has a wanted poster tacked on to every corner and a bounty that could buy you a planet. Do you know what families don't do?"

"Hm?"

"Get naked and frisky in the same room where their eighteen year old sleeps."

"Apparently you've never been to my house." mumbled Brick, but the statement was tactfully ignored.

"Ya know, she's got a point." came Axton's voice.

Maya took a deep breath. She was too tired for this shit.

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Please, for the love of all things, _put your clothes back on!"_

The siren then stormed into the nearest room, slamming the door behind her.

For a while, nobody moved.

Then Zer0 reappeared in the middle of the room. He brushed away the cards and scooped up the pile of clothing. Contrasted brightly against his dark helm a **:P **sign glowed.

"I win." he stated and then disappeared again.

Axton cursed. "Mother fucker."

_**~Fin~**_


End file.
